Addictions come in every form you can imagine. Anything, whether physical or abstract, can become an addiction. And every addiction is a form of idolatry in the eyes of the Lord, who requires us to worship only Him. Over the years I have battled many different kinds of addictions, but one constant addiction has been that of food. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal and prefer the black and white: either I can eat everything I want, whenever I want, or I can’t. So throughout my life, I have either been obese or anorexic, spinning my wheels with all amounts of force from one end of the scale to the other, until I land where I am now—my body in a physical mess and my spirit believing it hopeless to clean up.
After such roller coaster days and nights, never acknowledging my true darkness, I stand at a new crossroads, like Jonah did when the Lord called him to go to Nineveh. Sure, Jonah is a prophet with a great history of obedience to the Father, but when he gets this call, he says, “Uh-uh, Dude, You got another think coming!” and makes like a tree for Tarshish. Like Jonah, I hear the Lord’s call to me (and point in fact, I have heard this call for many years), but I have been running from God all this time. I have focused my attention on everything BUT my Father just to avoid this very moment—either I cause others to suffer the great stormy seas along with me because of my own disobedience, or I let them throw me overboard for the Lord to deal with appropriately.
Here it is, folks. My mess. At 5’6.5” tall, I weigh approximately 246 pounds and am morbidly obese. I wear my sin on my body for the world to see. Since I was 14 years old, I have been up and down the scale from 125 (bone-thin) to 265 (highest pregnancy weight). Two very unhealthy pregnancies later, my body is damaged to what feels like to me to be beyond repair. Last year I had a C-section in February, a plantar fasciotomy in June, and an ankle tendon/ligament repair in December. Now I’m told I need to have my tonsils out, my deviated septum repaired, and my sinuses cleaned out (another three surgeries in one). I’ve been in physical therapy for a year for my foot/ankle, back, and vertigo. I get allergy shots twice a week. I have an average of five doctor or therapy appointments per week. I take a minimum of 8 medications per day. …So, yes, my body is broken. And I’m the one who broke it.
All the while, I have a gorgeous three-year-old daughter, Eden Graciela, and my second one-year-old beauty, Elianna Jeanne, to take care of every day as their stay-at-home mother. But because my body does not function as well as it should at my young age, they have been relegated to TV toxins morning, noon and night, while I crash on the couch in between chores or doctor visits. They have caught sickness after sickness in waiting rooms or childcare while I have tended to my broken body. And my husband must just accept that I’m not the woman he married, especially as my daily mood often depends on my physical state. My family is weathering a storm that I have caused by running away from God. My disobedience to that call has cost me more than I knew I would have to pay, and certainly more than my obedience might ever cost.
This spring, I have been studying Jonah in my church small group with a book by Priscilla Shirer called, “Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted.” As Jonah’s life was interrupted by the call of God, my life has been interrupted by such physical ailments that I can no longer afford to run away from God. It’s time to stop running and start obeying. And so, Nineveh has a new name…
The “70 in 7” Project, as directed by my Father, is two-fold: to lose at least 70 pounds and to write at least 70 blog posts in 7 months. While I have struggled with discipline in the area of physical fitness, I have also struggled to write regularly, a gift that the Lord also gave me at age 14 but one I have furthered only in bits and pieces since. Both of these challenges seem rather impossible in many ways, but if I have learned anything from Jonah so far, it’s that when we are called to a huge, seemingly impossible task AND we surrender to it, we have an exceedingly great opportunity to see God work in supernatural ways!
I shared with my Bible study group just yesterday that the Lord was calling me to a difficult task but had not yet given me precise marching orders. The lack of instruction was the same situation Jonah faced, as God simply told him to go to Nineveh and speak the words that He would give him, not words He had given him yet! All I knew so far was that it would start April 1st and end November 1st. As I have been patiently waiting for God to spell things out for me, I have been going through quite an array of emotions, from fear and anxiety as I worry, to hope and peace as I begin to surrender. And each day since the Lord gave me this vision, He has confirmed it over and over again that I have truly heard His voice leading me along this path.
Shirer writes in her book, “When we are obedient to God and His anointing is on it, we can expect huge things. When we come face to face with God and respond in obedience, we will see supernatural results” (103). She describes how God is able to take our mess and, since He is the master, turn it into a master-piece. Wow. And I just happened to read all this yesterday. Huh. I think Father is telling me that there are some supernatural results on the way!
So the instructions are slowly rolling in, but they are not exactly what I expected thus far. I thought I would get a list of things I should eat and things I shouldn’t. But what I’m hearing is more like spring cleaning of my other addictions that I might fall back on during these coming months, such as TV and movies, computer/phone games, Facebook, and one of the hardest of all, sleep! It appears to me that the Lord wants to remove the obstacles that stand between me and hearing His voice. Since November 1st of last year, I have been reading a daily devotional out of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Today’s devotion says:
I am a God who gives and gives and gives. When I died for you on the cross, I held back nothing; I poured out My Life like a drink offering. Because giving is inherent in My nature, I search for people who are able to receive in full measure. To increase your intimacy with Me, the two traits you need the most are receptivity and attentiveness. Receptivity is opening up your innermost being to be filled with My abundant riches. Attentiveness is directing your gaze to Me: searching for Me in all your moments. It is possible to stay your mind on Me, as the prophet Isaiah wrote. Through such attentiveness you receive a glorious gift: My perfect Peace.
It is obvious to me that Father wants to remove all addictions and distractions, not just one or two, so that I can fully receive all that He wants to give me and so I can be 100 percent attentive to His voice, missing nothing and gaining His full and perfect Peace. And since the number “7” represents God’s perfection, I think the “70 in 7” Project is the perfect pathway for me. Will you follow along with me?
The Art of Choosing True Life 
Beautiful! You are in my daily thoughts and prayers. God bless!
Awesome! Praying! You can do it through HIM!!!