On the night I wrote my last post, I did, in fact, “dream bigger”! That is, I had a dream that night which mirrored the spiritual battle I am currently fighting but on a much larger scale. I often have very detailed dreams in which the Lord communicates with me, and this dream was no exception. I am actually thankful to my husband, Alex, for giving me insight to understand the dream’s ramifications in our current situation, which only seems to become more and more challenging every day.
In the dream itself, I was a follower of Christ in the End Times. Many of us were being captured and tortured daily as we bravely fought the Antichrist. On one occasion, I was lined up side by side with two fellow believers before a firing squad, and one of us was about to be chosen at random to be killed (i.e. martyred). I was chosen, and I was actually relieved because I knew I was about to enter the presence of Jesus and be set free from all that I had endured. Silently, calmly, I smiled. One man from the squad then fired a single bullet directly at my heart, as if in slow motion. I felt the bullet painfully enter my chest, but it did not pierce my heart. Instead, it lay embedded in my muscles, and quite excruciatingly, appeared to be inching its way closer and closer, delaying certain death.
This baffled me, the onlooking crowd and the Antichrist himself. I went from sheer joy to utter disgust and defeat, only able to conjure a single thought—“Why, Lord?” Why wouldn’t He just let me die? And why would I have to endure such intense pain? Why wouldn’t someone just cut off my head and get it over with already?
I was quickly moved to a prison infirmary where I continued to baffle the staff. Some who had not yet chosen allegiance to the Antichrist believed that God had spared my life, and their new faith was enough of a reason for me to press on. For years, if necessary.
And so it was. Nearly seven years, I endured the pain and stayed true in proclaiming the faith until the last group of the undecided remained. And they were all in the crowd on the day I was brought out once again to be killed. The Antichrist stood there with an ugly smile, a devilish grin. This time, I was to be burned at the stake, and again I was relieved to finally be freed from my earthly body and present with the Lord. I was laid on top of a pile of wood, and I could see my clothes catch fire around my legs. Soon the fire consumed me, and yet, I felt no pain—and I did not burn! The Lord again spared my life, and many hearts chose Him that day!
Can you tell my spirit was fighting off the Enemy while I slept that night? Wow. A pretty clear message, now that I think about it. We endure suffering now, but it produces quite the harvest, does it not? But even more so, are we not tested with trials and tribulations like Job? I love how Eugene Peterson put it in The Message Bible:
Satan answered, “A human would do anything to save his life. But what do you think would happen if you reached down and took away his health? He’d curse you to your face, that’s what.”
God said, “All right. Go ahead—you can do what you like with him. But mind you, don’t kill him.”
Satan left God and struck Job with terrible sores. Job was ulcers and scabs from head to foot. They itched and oozed so badly that he took a piece of broken pottery to scrape himself, then went and sat on a trash heap, among the ashes.
His wife said, “Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you? Curse God and be done with it!”
He told her, “You’re talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God—why not also the bad days?”
Not once through all this did Job sin. He said nothing against God. (Job 2:4-10)
Just “don’t kill him,” God said. But go ahead, Satan, have at him!
No, I can’t say that during the last year and a half, I have suffered the kind of pain I think I would experience with a bullet inching toward my heart as in my dream. Yet, I have suffered—continuously and with constant prayer for relief. This week I suffer still. And over the last month, I have actually suffered like Job, in that my allergy shots have caused me to itch from head to toe to the point of bleeding! Ha!
But, we must take the good days with the bad days, sin not, say nothing against God.
All day long, as I have considered writing about my dream and Job, I have simply heard the Spirit whisper in my heart, “light and momentary troubles” from 2 Corinthians 4:17—“ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (NIV). Oh, how I am aching to share with you The Message version of verses 16 to 18 too:
So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.
Ah. Now that’s what I’m talking about!
The Art of Choosing True Life 