“Circling,” Part 3 [Mth 2-Day 30-Post 19]

They say one of the stages of processing grief is bargaining. Well, I was grieving my relationship with K, my “almost” marriage, along with all the pretty hopes and smiley dreams of our future together. And when the Lord said, “It’s time to run away from home,” I said, “Okay, God, I’ll go, but just for one year!” Because maybe then, I’d come running back home to rekindle our spark, pick up where we left off.

So you see, when I met Alex, I had good reason to think, “He’s so the kind of guy I could fall for. I have to stay away from him!” I had even prayed to the Lord saying, “God, please remove anything single, available and male from my path!” I wanted my pathway to be cleared of unwanted distractions, and I certainly didn’t want to get involved with a guy if I was just going to turn around and leave, especially if K and I had any chance at all to reconnect.

Here’s the problem, though. Years before this, I had prayed over and made a lengthy list of traits I wanted to find in my future husband. One of those traits was that when my man would see me for the first time, he’d know immediately that I was his wife. Not “love at first sight,” per say, but more like “love at first light”—God showing him in the intimate Light of His presence that I’m the one God created specifically for him, to be his helpmate, his queen.

On that Sunday morning, December 29, 2002, Alex took his first look at me and heard a still, small voice in his spirit tell him, “This is your wife.”

His initial reaction was disbelief, as you can imagine: “Yeah right, God, if that really was you!” He thought maybe it was just a gut response to seeing a new, pretty girl visiting the church. Still, he was friendly and cordial to me, as if I were any other fellow believer.

I, on the other hand, was not! I had set my face like a flint, totally committed to my purpose, my one goal—get in, get stretched, get out. When Alex would attempt a conversation with me, I provided one-word replies and jetted off in another direction. Now, Alex not only believed I wasn’t interested in him, he also thought I was one mean Yankee!

In general, God was faithful to my request to remove all “single available males” from my path. Alex was one of two who fit that description. The other guy promptly moved to New Mexico a month after I moved to Georgia. Then, a surprise turn of events actually removed Alex from my path as well. Raffa Discipleship School (RDS) had been based at Cornerstone Fellowship in Dacula, but the school leadership was soon commissioned to plant a new church called “His Presence” in Lawrenceville. Alex had been serving both as part of RDS and in Cornerstone’s youth ministry. The Lord led Alex to remain at Cornerstone to assist with the youth, so he no longer served with RDS.

His Presence Church & Training Center was planted in March of 2003 and held a grand opening Sunday that May. I hadn’t seen Alex in months and was a little surprised when he attended to support Raffa’s big day with a girlfriend in tote. Seeing them hold hands actually made me sigh in relief that I no longer had to worry about “falling” for him. However, in April I had taken a weekend trip back to Massachusetts for an event I had been planning since the previous year; I took time to have lunch with K and realized, just looking into his eyes, that he didn’t love me the way he should. He was, technically, a “counterfeit.” I received closure; he was not meant to be my husband, so I knew I was free to dream.

In August that year, I was renting a room in the home of a fellow RDS student. She and I were making dinner one Friday night and got to talking about my plans once I finished the program in December. As we talked, the Lord confirmed within me that He wanted me to put down my roots in Georgia and call it home. The next morning I signed a lease on my own apartment, and on my way back to her house, I passed a yard sale which practically furnished the entire apartment, furniture and all!

Since I had left most of my own apartment furnishings back in Massachusetts, my mom decided to pack up her car once again and bring me as much as she could. That included a very nice bicycle that K helped me buy while we were dating because we enjoyed riding together. However, she had to take it apart to fit it inside the car, as she didn’t have a bike rack. When I tried to reassemble it, I realized she’d forgotten one or more parts because it wouldn’t work.

I happened to tell my RDS friend Keith, also Alex’s best friend, about my bike problem. He said that Alex could fix bikes and happens to live around the corner from my new apartment. When Keith mentioned to Alex that I needed help, Alex said to him, “No way! That girl hates me!” Apparently, I was quite convincing in the role of mean Yankee! Nevertheless, Alex felt the Lord’s prompting to help me and obeyed. He called and told me he’d come over at 8:00 PM one Tuesday night in August to take a look at the bike.

8:00 PM came and went. He completely forgot.

To be continued…