Last year I led a seven-person team on a mission trip to Haiti, a first for me from many angles—my first mission trip I led since moving back from Peru in 2008, first trip I led without Alex, first trip overseas without Alex, and my first trip ever to Haiti. I did not lead with a fully willing heart; even as we drove to the Atlanta airport, I tearfully pleaded with Alex not to make me go. It had been nearly four years since I had left my homeland comfort zone, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face the challenge alone.
One week later, I returned a changed woman. I came through a fiery trial with a renewed passion for sharing the love of the Lord. My passion for writing was also restored. And I found great inspiration in a particular worship song, one that we sang again in church this morning, “Savior King,” with a very simple chorus:
I love You Lord
I worship You
Hope which was lost
Now stands renewed
I give my life
To honor this
The love of Christ
The Savior King
Every day we are asked to give our lives back to the Lord in honor of His love which He thoroughly pours out on us as we seek Him. And every day I want to do it. But, so many days I fall short. Some days I get so focused on the things I must be faithful to do instead of focusing on God and His great love for me. This morning’s message delivered by Jon Adams served as a powerful reminder that God has given us all of His resources, His approval, His blessings, and His authority—all of which are at our disposal to overcome whatever “enemy” or enormous problem we may face that causes us to feel small. This is as a result of becoming His child, surrendering our lives to Him: “Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1). Thus, He is able to supply our every need (Phil. 4:19)!
Over the last two months, I have become very focused on my to-do lists, being sure to make my posting and pound-losing goals, but I have not been focusing enough on my closeness to Jesus. I’ve had more “quiet” time in these two months than perhaps since college years; I tend to write in silence because the thoughts in my own mind seem loud enough! So I won’t call it “quiet” time when I am alone with Jesus. Even then, one of us is always talking! But those moments have gotten fewer and farther between.
Last night Alex and I went out on a date. Just beforehand, I took a four-hour nap. Not something I usually do. Many times when I lie down to try to nap, I can’t sleep. But yesterday morning I was so weary in mind, body and spirit; I prayed by some miracle, I might just lie down in peace and awaken refreshed. And when I did rise refreshed, I got in the shower with Pandora playing on my phone. The first song that came on was, “His Grace is Enough.” And that’s when I felt His presence enfold me.
The shower is often a place I tend to hear from the Lord, maybe because I am alone trying to refresh my body so that my spirit seeks equal, simultaneous refreshment. Yesterday was no exception. As I listened to that song, I felt His peace passing over me. And the next song, “Nothing without You” by my favorite Christian artist of all time, Bebo Norman, reminded me of my desperate need to be close to Jesus every day:
Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You
Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You
All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You
As I stood there in the shower, I felt the Lord’s assurance that He is everything that I need, and everything I desire and hope for and dream of is also found in Him. Yes, I long to write a book but have for so many years believed it impossible for me, but “His Grace is Enough”! His grace has been enough for countless individuals for generations past to write millions of books; why would it not be sufficient for me too? Yes, I long to be healed of all the physical ailments and chronic pain I have experienced for more than a year and a half. How many times has Jesus touched and healed the sick and helpless? Why would He not desire to do so for me too? He has all the knowledge and all the power and all the “medicine” I could ever seek; I need only ask.
“You can’t get second things by putting them first;
you can get second things only by putting first things first.”
– C.S. Lewis, English author and theologian
Okay. First things, first.
Jesus, You are my Savior King; I am Your princess. I long for you to “pull me a little closer; take me a little deeper. I want to know Your heart. Your love is so much sweeter than anything I have tasted. I want to know Your heart” (“Closer” Bethel Music © 2012). Help me to let in Your great love every morning, every afternoon, every evening, every minute of the day. Help me to seek You and claim the power and authority You sacrificed to afford me as a child of God. Help me to surrender my “enemies,” my problems into Your capable hands, that You might overthrow them in Your perfect time. Help me to trust in Your good and perfect plans for my future, which include strength and grace enough for today too.
Amen. Let it be so.
The Art of Choosing True Life 