End the Comparison Game: How To

I remember when 9/11 happened. I lived in Boston at the time, and up North, you don’t just start a conversation with random strangers. (They would wonder what you wanted from them, rather than just being friendly.) But all of a sudden, we were given permission to greet our neighbor with a smile or a hello or, just maybe, a question, like “Where were you when it happened?” followed by, “Did you know anyone there?”

Why was it suddenly okay? With one horrible act of violence and terrorism against our country, all of us residing in the United States were now on the same team. I wasn’t alone in what I experienced. I literally watched the two towers fall with a room full of people watching it on one small television. No longer was it me against the world—

“Us” was the whole United States and “them” were the terrorists.

Seeing life through us-versus-them glasses is not necessarily done consciously. When a few months had passed after 9/11, we subconsciously went back to the old mentality. The other driver in the car in front of me who cut me off was not on my team anymore. “Us” reverted back to “me,” and “them” was anyone not family or friends.

As a woman in this world, however, “them” also includes other women that I often compare myself to and find myself competing against. It includes the pastor’s wife at my church who preaches better than I do, or my neighbor who is thinner than me, or a writer friend who has more Instagram followers than me. When I encounter any female to whom I feel inferior, they join my “them” category.

I secretly compete and hope that someday I will be better than them somehow.

As difficult as it is to change that mentality, the Word tells us that our beings must be renewed by the transformation of our minds in this regard:

“That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.”

Galatians 5:26 MSG

The renewed mind realizes this:

We are on the same team. “Us” is every woman who is in Christ.

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”

Galatians 6:4-5 MSG

Now “we” have the same responsibility:

Focus on using our own gifts, talents, skills, personalities, experience, and reach to do the best we can at whatever God calls each of us to do. The question should not be who is better than the other, but how can I help the other be the best they can be too.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Philippians 2:3-4 NLT

How do we take an interest in others? When we remember that we’re on the same team, we realize that our team is only as good as our weakest members. Therefore, we must help one another become as strong as possible in mind, body and spirit. And it’s as easy as this.

Ask questions.

I’m an introvert by nature, which lends itself to being more self-consumed than other personality types. The way out of self-centeredness for me has been to ask questions of those around me, take the focus off myself, and find out as much as I can about my “team member.” In this way, I take an interest in others, and in doing so, God has been faithful to flood me with His compassion for “us” all.

If I can see my neighbor through the eyes of the Lord, it becomes easier to humbly seek their best and not be so concerned with my own needs. I am all the more able to cheer them on in their victories, rejoice with them in their blessings, and encourage them in their struggles—“them” being “us” and our victories, our blessings, our struggles.

We are one team.

And we are called, as that team, to be a light for all the “thems” in the world who are not yet in Christ. When Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations,” He was talking to all of us—the Jesus team. It’s not “us” versus “them;” it’s “us” FOR “them.” Just as we are for each other on the Jesus team, we are the cheerleaders for those who have yet to know Jesus the way we do. Thus the command that came straight from Jesus to live in such a way that they’ll come to experience Him by our love for one another.

I am on your team.

If you’re reading this, I’m so glad you’re here! Thank you for visiting me. It is my honor to speak into your life, and I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Tell me how I can support you as my fellow team member in Christ. I rejoice with you in the love of Jesus and pray blessings in abundance to flow in your life.