The Day My Husband Didn’t Die, Part 2 (30/40)

Almost exactly five years ago, I wrote a blog post whose title I’d never forget. “The Day My Husband Didn’t Die.” I can still remember exactly where I was, how I felt, what I was doing just before I wrote it. And how the Fear had gripped me. The Fear that my husband would die any day. Thank God, today is not that day. As far as I know, he’s safe and healthy in his hotel room on a business trip, but of course, that could change without my knowledge…until it’s too late.

That old blog post came to mind as this past week transpired. An 18-year-old boy in our church was killed in a diving accident. A 48-year-old mother of two at my mother’s church died suddenly of an asthma attack. These events sent both our church families reeling in grief at their untimely losses. I didn’t know the boy at our church, but I grieved tremendously for his parents and sister who had babysat for us many times. His senseless death whipped me right back into the face of Fear—That Fear that I’d be a widow before I could blink or that one of my own children would meet Jesus before I do.  That Fear that everything could be taken away at any given moment.

The lies of the Enemy were resurfacing. Could I trust a God who cuts lives so short? Should I allow that fear to dictate my actions? Strangely, it doesn’t make me a bit more concerned about my own mortality, no. I, for one, can’t wait to meet Jesus. I have no uncertainty about where I’m going when my day arrives and the joy that awaits me in His presence. But oh, the pain for anyone “left behind” to grieve. That is why the Fear cuts so deeply. I don’t want to be among those left behind, most especially by my family members. How would I go on? How could I face another day?

At our wedding we sang “Blessed Be Your Name,” which says “God, You give and take away; my heart will choose to say, ‘Blessed By Your Name.’” I chose that song because I knew one day He would take away something I would not be willing to let go. And yet, my heart must go on, must trust in, must rely on, must depend on…His Truth:

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills [of Jerusalem]—From where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2 AMP)

“…Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].” (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

“Do not fear [anything], for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you; I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].” (Isaiah 41:10 AMP)

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.]” (John 14:27 AMP)

“I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

Death of a loved one may cause us to gasp for breath through tears birthed in disbelief, determined anger, disillusioned vulnerability and the reality of a definitive end. But it is only the end of what we can see. It is also the beginning of what we cannot see. My friend and her husband who lost their teenage son raised him to believe that the soul is alive for eternity and that God created us to spend that eternity with Him in heaven by way of faith in Jesus Christ. So we do not grieve like those who do not share this hope. We rejoice knowing their son has joined in with all the heavenly witnesses in worship of and communion with Jesus.

And so we hold our loved ones all the more closely, comprehending death with earth’s finality while opening our hearts to the heavenly delight that we all long for. We may be confused by God’s timing or how our broken hearts are part of his plan. But God in His sovereignty is the same God He was the Day my husband didn’t die—the one who works all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.